I started teaching two and a half years ago. I started in January 2009, in the middle of the year, which worked out well because my school is on the semester system. I got new freshmen and by the end of the first week I knew all of their names.
I've seen a few of the students in my clasroom since then. A couple because they failed my class. A couple because they failed tenth grade and I teach tenth grade now. I always see them in the hallway, and their names come back to me as I see their faces. Until today.
One girl stood in front of my classroom today, commenting on my name change since I got married, and knew her face. I stared at that face for ninety days straight. But I cannot tell you her name. Later today, as I was walking to the office, another student called out to me and asked about my day. I did not know her name either. I see other names in emails and I cannot put a face to their names.
When did I lose them? When did they stop mattering to me? When did they stop haunting my dreams and every thought? My thoughts were consumed with questions such as: How do I help them? How do I encourage them to complete their work? Am I challenging them enough? Is there enough group work in my classroom? Is there enough technology being used in my lessons?
When I first starting teaching I wrote about the ghostly teenage voices calling my name twenty thousand times a day. It was impossible to do anything without them in my head. Now I ask myself: Are the questions still there, just in different voices? Do they still matter? Or have I learned to block them?
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